After my first night at the hospital the initial shock faded and my brain was ready to process what was going on. I barely got any sleep and was constantly being woken up for medications, IV maintenance, and checking for contractions. In the quiet hours of the night when I was trying to fall back asleep, I started to think about what my late mother would say if she were there with me in the hospital. She would say "you are exactly where you are supposed to be" or "everything happens for a reason" or "focus on the things that are going right, not wrong." She truly believed in fate and it made me start thinking about how lucky and blessed I was. Thank God that my doctor caught this issue when he did! If he didn't or if I was on vacation with my ticking time bomb of a cervix, I would have been destroyed emotionally if I lost the twins. With my new positive focus I had to get on the phone and computer and inform my loved ones about what was going on because I was going to need all of the prayers and support I could get...especially since the one person who I needed most, was only able to be here with me spiritually and not physically. I loved being able to connect with a bunch of family and friends and it definitely made me feel less isolated because many people want to come visit. Now that I was getting on-board with the idea of what bed rest would entail, I began to learn about what my new daily routine would consist of. The first action plan for "Operation Keep Babies Inside" was to put me in the Trendelenburg position where my bed was kept at a slant (feet up, head down) to get the pressure off of the cervix. Since arriving at the hospital, I was being monitored for contractions and given drugs to stop them. The next big step was to have a surgical procedure called a cerclage in order to stitch the cervix closed throughout the duration of the pregnancy. I was scheduled for the procedure on Christmas Eve so I had a few days in between where I had to be extremely careful so that meant staying in bed constantly and only getting up to go to the bathroom. Everything else had to be done in bed (brushing my teeth, sponge baths, etc). It is really hard to give up my freedom but my eye was now on the prize...or prizes.
*For those of you living under a rock...the song "Defying Gravity" is from the 2003 Broadway musical Wickedand it bleeds girl power. Again, for the rock dwellers, the song comes at a pivotal moment in the show where Elphaba (the wicked witch) realizes that she has to go out on her own, become independent, and literally fly free. Ironically, the night that I found out I was being admitted to the hospital, I was actually wearing my green Wicked shirt which says "Defying Gravity." Little did I know that my twins and body were doing the exact opposite of that phrase which is what caused the whole problem in the first place! Now at the hospital, we are at war with gravity as we fight to keep the babies safe while I lie in bed in my slanted position getting a constant head rush. Other than the irony of the situation, this song spoke to me by telling me it was okay to give up the expectations and accept what was happening to me with vigor and focus. Even though my babies are being brought down by gravity, I refuse to be and I will do everything in my power to keep them alive. No wizard that there is or was is ever going to bring me down!
Moments before we got the bad news...ironically wearing my Defying Gravity shirt